Beautiful people! How are we doing? I feel like so much has been going on throughout the world and in my life. It may be time for a check in?
In my last word, "blocked blessings", I speak about the importance of vulnerability and how taking risks and accepting the outcomes are a part of life a lot of us need to embrace. I believe every bit of this but I've also realized that speaking the words and actually putting them into action are two different things.
I released my first official blog post "What The F**k: Part 1" almost five months ago and it kills to say that on paper, I'm in the same spot that I was in then. And yes, I know, where exactly was I supposed to go in life in 5 months, in the middle of a global pandemic? I get it you guys, but listen...
What I'm getting at is, I'm almost in the same place I was then physically. I've grown in the sense that I'm now able to identify exactly what's going on with myself regarding my thought process, how I maintain my mental health, and overall where I want to be. I've been mapping out a clear path for myself and haven't taken any steps forward. I've just reviewed the map 80 times... Are you guys picking up on my metaphor? I NEED TO GET MOVING! That's it. That's the message.
I find myself in these moments where I'm all for the journey. I'm packed and ready to go, I'm walking towards the door and SLAM... I stop myself and find another reason to pause and regroup. There's always more planning to do in my mind. For those that know me you'll understand that this type of anxiety has been a struggle of mine for a while. I haven't truly addressed it and honestly have glazed over it for a long time. I'm now realizing that its been holding me back a lot more than I cared to see.
I know that just got dark very fast but I promise the light is coming back in just listen...
I understand that I may be in the same spot physically that I was in 5 months ago, but I'm also understanding that I'm now in far more control that I gave myself credit for. I've gained so much insight on myself and through my self-reflection I'm way more self-aware. And THAT to me is worth the celebration.
I was watching a video the other day of America's Auntie, Tabitha Brown, and in that video she said "...sometimes it might be a small victory, sometimes it might be a big victory...but its still your victory". It's not the first time I've heard these words but the reminder was powerful enough. After beating myself up over "not moving", I neglected to celebrate my "small"victories. I kept finding excuses as to why this accomplishment wasn't really an accomplishment at all or how that accomplishment wasn't worth the fuss because no one else saw its importance. I'm telling you guys, imposter's syndrome is literally my middle name. But at the end of the day, the key word in self-fulfillment is SELF! What brings me joy isn't meant to be recognized by others.