And we're back! With all that's been going on in the world the past couple of weeks I really needed a break and luckily because it's illegal to go outside, I really got that break. The thing is pandemic has honestly made me extremely uneasy. Normally I would deal with those feelings with distractions. I'd go to a movie, or to a mexican spot and get the biggest margarita on the menu but ya know...
Honestly for the first few days of this quarantine there was a ton of crying on my end. Like a lot. At first I didn't understand where it was all coming from but I was literally sad all of the time. Like most of the world, I was in a period of uncertainty. Work had shut down and I had/have absolutely no idea when that's gonna pick back up. I was watching the world shift and felt every bit of it (no, this isn't about to be an entire post about me being an empath. No one wants to hear that.) But as a person that deals with their anxiety by distracting themselves, being forced to stay inside was an absolute recipe for disaster. Truthfully, I wasn't afraid of contracting the virus or the safety of my loved ones during this time (yes, I'm a monster, i get it). My initial problem was that I had FINALLY started to get my life together and I was terrified of losing momentum.
I started losing myself in the midst of the hysteria and it had only been a few days!! I had to find a way to refocus and not freak out! But also, the nerve of the damn world to go to shit when I'm finally getting my life together. Like, are we really serious you guys?!... Anyway, I had to center myself and figure out a way to stay on track while the track is engulfed in flames. It took a little time, or what felt like a long time on day number 'who even knows' but I had to remember that there was a time where I had to create my own distractions.
I've started to fall back into the hobbies that kept me sane in my younger years. I've picked up paint brushes and pretty much painted whatever brings me joy. I've written countless poems dipped in whatever my mind comes up with. I've gone outside and just sat with all that is around me. Essentially I've returned to my roots. I've rediscovered what brings me to life, I am bonding with myself in a way that I've forgotten about.
Like all of the Instagram posts and all of the conspiracy theorists have said, this virus has done exactly what the world needed... it's given the Earth and all on it a much needed break. We all preach about self-care and how we have to take time for ourselves (insert my entire Word on Self + Love) but the truth is, we'll take a day off, or a week if we can to unwind and regroup but then we're back to the grind, back to the very thing/people that bring us the stress we're trying to get away from in the first place. But this is different, we are ultimately forced to take that break and rediscover ourselves and how fragile we are as humans. We are forced to remember that we are... only human.