Friends and Fam!
Are you ready for this week's really real convo?!
Well get ready 'cause you're gonna feel this one.
The topic of today's word came to me how many of the other topics came to me, from scrolling through Instagram. In doing so recently, I stumbled upon an IG story expressing the age old mantra...
"Treat people how you would want to be treated"
This was followed by some tone deaf caption about "matching energy" blah blah. But seeing that made me realize this phrase never set well with me.
Of course you hear that and think of treating people fair, with grace and kindness. Taking "do unto others" for face value.
But can we all take a second and think of the countless experiences where we've done just that and expected the world in return? How'd that work out love?
We've all been there though. Our boundaries have been crossed, we're neglected, outside experiences are taken out on us and we say "I'll fallback and create some distance" or "I'll kill all that with kindness". The problem here is people are innately blind. They won't see what's being waved directly in front of them because they're concerned with their own agenda. Its human nature but its also Reason Numero Uno as to why treating people how you want to be treated doesn't always make for a useful tactic.
Let's get to Reason Number Two...
Treating people how YOU want to be treated is subconsciously selfish. Many of you are looking at me like 'duh Ang' but hear me out.
Forget the being wronged scenario. Say you're longing for some romance from your partner, what do you do? Most of us will create that within our own situation and hope our partner will reciprocate the energy for us later down the line. Good idea in theory but what if that person doesn't feel moved by the gesture enough to reciprocate; now you're feeling unfulfilled. This scenario can be applied to any and all relationship types, but to break it down simply... imposing your own interests onto someone else will leave you in the dust if those interests don't necessarily appeal to that person.
It took me going through several friendships and issues within relationships to realize that school really skipped right over observation and dove straight into comprehension. Yet we expect people to see what we desire through our actions towards them. H.E.R said "learn me or I'm a lesson" but the fact is we have to be willing to teach. Period.
I don't know about you guys but I've definitely hit that season of life where I'm over waiting for people to figure shit out for themselves... my patience is thin babes. But no matter how bad we want people to become mindreaders, it's impossible to say the least, so we gotta give these folks something they can understand cause feeling it ain't enough.
Now we all know I'm big on self-growth and truly doing the work when it comes to solidifying your happiness. When it comes to teaching others how to treat you, YOU have to be willing to be vulnerable and truly transparent (see blocked blessings). If you know what you want, say it but keep it constructive. Express yourself in a way that communicates your desires without putting the other person down. You may be a bit more passionate given the severity of the circumstances and that's fine but don't come out of yourself.
When teaching other's how to treat you, you give other's a chance to choose. If your desires align with what they believe they're available to give you, they'll stick around and begin that journey into understanding you. If they're unable to provide you with what you need someone will walk away (if you're wise you'll take the first step)!
Personally, this is a lesson I had to learn the hard way. I let a lot slide for the sake of keeping the peace or just expecting people to know what I want simply because they "know me". I thrived on the idea that to know someone is to love someone, forgetting that we all have different perceptions of a person. Only they can let you in to who they really are.